Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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