I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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