I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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