Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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