She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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