found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize