I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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