Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
