You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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