So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
