i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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