Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
