Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
