worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
