I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
why do cheetos always look like penises
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
