from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My dick has a subreddit
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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