We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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