just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
