First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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