you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I supernannyed him into submission
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
