I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
