Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
