Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
