dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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