I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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