Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
