Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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