I'm jealous of your bromance
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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