Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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