i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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