there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
