Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize