he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
