I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
