So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
