I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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