I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
