If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hippo gnu deer
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
