So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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