the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
