Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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