I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
