oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
