you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
