Don't you send me to vm
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
