false alarm. still invincible.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
