i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think my mom watched the whole time
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
