Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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