Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
