Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
