I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
