youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She announced her abortion via fbk
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
