she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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