I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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