I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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