ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize