haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
