Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
