I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
pray to the hookup gods
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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