So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
