She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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