come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
