I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
