i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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