All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
