when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
