you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
